Submitted 12 Apr 04
Fantasies are by definition ONLY IN YOUR HEAD. They are thoughts. Nothing more.
Now, I honestly don't think that thoughts should EVER be wrong. Even if you fantasize about killing someone, it's not wrong unless you do it.
Now sex, to me, isn't so clear cut. Some cases it's harmful, others it's not. Unless you have some religious issues you need to sort out, I think the only ethical question you should ever have to ask is: "Am I hurting anyone??"
If the answer is empathically 'no' then what you're doing probably isn't wrong, at least not by my definion. If you're religious or looking for a religious answer, I'm not a good source, but I would imagine that most true Christians would say that you are noble if you have these thoughts but are able to control your actions so that you don't hurt someone. And probably something about praying about it.. uhm... can you tell I'm not a practicing Christian? So I'll leave off there.
Submitted 13 Apr 04
Personally I do not feel that there is anything wrong with the fantasies as long as you are not susceptible to schizophrenia. It wouldn't be a good thing to begin to believe that the boy actually exists and you start to live your life as if he really was there. That is the only cautionary point that comes to mind.
In my case, I have fantasized about a boy in my life who eventually I adopted and we soon met another boy who I also adopted. The first boy was my ideal brown haired boy with those beautiful brown eyes that you could lose yourself starring in them. The second boy is the hot blond with blue eyes that brings out the joy in life and gives you that extra bit of energy just by saying he loves you. My fantasies have developed an entire life with these two boys from the time of their adoption at about 9-10 years old all the way to after college. When things in my real life changed they changed right along with it. When my job made me move across the country the boys moved with me.
The boys were the companionship that a lonely BoyLover needed all those years.
At one point I started to write it down (or type it out) in a story form. Take the whole fantasy and make it a little more real by producing it a readable form that I can share with others. Perhaps my imaginary boys could sort of live on in the hearts and minds of those who read my story.
However, when I met someone who became a serious part of my life, the story writing stopped and I no longer felt the loneliness I used to. The fantasies about the boys slowed down quite a bit. I am happy to have had the time with my boys and maybe one day I will finish that story.
I hope my little experience has eased your mind somewhat.