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JOE ASKS...
Submitted 19 Mar 07

I guess I've known I was a boylover since I was 13-14, but lately it just makes me very depressed. I already tried to kill myself twice before and I just wanted to ask how I can be happy with what I am? I hate myself so much it hurts inside.

Joe (23)

Our answers
Submitted 16 Apr 07

I'm not very good at this, but I will try.

First thing. You are not alone. There is nothing new under the sun. What you are going through has been experienced by many people before you, and you are not the first to suffer. This is not meant to berate you, by the way, but to comfort you in knowing that other people understand completely where you are coming from (like me). I'm not much older than you, but I know the fears, and the dreads of slowly getting older, whilst the objects of desire remain more or less stationary. This may not work for you, but it worked for me, and it's meant to illustrate that your life CAN be happy.

I'm still a boylover more or less, but I met a wonderful, amazing boy on the internet, and we waited and waited until we could finally meet. And all that time, we shared hopes, dreams, everything two people could possibly share on this earth. And something amazing happened. I started to 'grow up' alongside him...even with a ten year age difference. Now he's my husband, and I know that we'll probably spend the rest of our lives together, and I DON'T have to be alone. He knows all about my attraction to younger boys, and he also knows that I love him more than life itself.

Anyway, this may not necessarily pertain to your situation, but the point is this. Life is dynamic, ever changing. Your life is not the same as it was three months ago. It's not the same as it was a year ago. If you think hard enough you can think of a few things that have changed... and it won't be the same six months from now, either... and a year from now you could be a completely different person living a completely different life... or maybe not. But isn't it worth sticking around to find out? The boy of your dreams may move in just around the corner... tomorrow... and he might be your newest future lifelong friend. You deserve love. Love from yourself, love from those you love who love you back. Don't let stupid western society take that away from you! Get to know yourself. Look at the way you feel and just FEEL it. Know how you feel without judging first, or thinking about how much you know it's 'wrong' or 'abnormal' or whatever... just feel it. Nobody can tell what you're thinking anyway. The more you learn about yourself, the more you'll find out what you want... the more you know what you want... the more you can focus on that goal for the future... the more you have a goal for the future... the happier you'll be as you live your life towards it.

Whatever you do. Never stop growing. Never stop learning. Never ever ever stop living. Best of luck to you, friend.

Matsuri (27)

Email: theoriginaldateless@yahoo.co.uk

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