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ALFONSO ASKS...
Although I've discovered a lot of good information about being a "boylover". I still feel plenty of lonliness and isolation. I long so deeply for a relationship with a boy that it almost hurts. I was wondering how you guys deal with that? I feel in my heart that one day I will be blessed with such a wonderful relationship but feel like I could get in trouble for just saying that much. I admit it....I want to love a boy and have him love me.

- Alfonso, 19

Our answers
Submitted 25 Oct 2003

There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving a younger boy, provided that everything is kept above reproach. There is nothing so precious as a younger boy looking up to you and saying, "You're the best friend I have ever had."

You talk about grabbing the heart and giving it a little tug!!! The best way to handle this situation is to go through Big Brothers and become a big brother/mentor, if you want to do it formally through an organized system. Another way is to come into contact with a younger boy (who is fatherless) and find a common bond between you two (i.e. Do you two play musical instruments? Do you two like tennis? Do you two like doing puzzles, or drawing, or PlayStation2???) Talk with the mother and tell her you would like to be a 'big brother' or a surrogate father figure to her son. Ask her permission to take him out to McDonald's or someplace similar. Set a time you will have him back home AND STICK TO THAT TIME, IF NOT A FEW MINUTES EARLY.

You have a plethora of activities you two can do together. Your relationship will only grow stronger as time goes along. Take it one day at a time. It is so heartwarming when, not saying anything verbally, he looks up to you with that wonderful smile and his look tells you YOU have opened a whole new door of learning or taught him something he thinks is really neat.

Right now, my 'little brother'/godson is reaching the realization that he may be gay. He knows I am gay and finds comfort in knowing he can ask me anything without fear of any negative comments or actions. I have told him from the very beginning that every single word out of my mouth to him and about him will be NOTHING but POSITIVE. REMEMBER - YOU ARE DEALING WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE, ONE WHO IS SO IMPRESSIONABLE. HE IS LOOKING TO YOU FOR GUIDANCE.

I am experienced with this as both my children graduated as the valedictorians of their respective classes. And the ONE year I coached a Little League baseball team, they won the county championship because of all my comments being nothing but positive.

I wish you the best, my friend. I hope you have a long and prosperous relationship.

Steven, 47

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Submitted 16 Sep 2003

I'm not sure I am seeking a close one-on-one with anyone right now, and the boys I know certainly aren't. Maybe I'm just not the romantic that some others are. I want friends, buddies, soulmates. But not a single "lover" in any sense.

I am told that one trusted fellow BL can be a real joy throughout life. Another BL that is a good match to you as well as being a BL. Then again, I am told that every other BL who knows about me is another risk factor that someday is going to backfire on me. Just being around him, writing to him... Anyone who does so is suspected of having common interests. Damn them (the world).

I think that looking to a boy for MY needs is a little questionable. I need to find serious friendship among serious friends. I may never find someone I really get along with in real life who is also a BL. Pity.

Boys is like a "calling" for me. Also an obsession, a gift, a diversion from grown-up life. I certainly can't love just one at a time. And it's all about THEM. I think about doing for them (all that the law will allow). Yes, even these little gods can be a bit frustrating at times. But it's all about them. I am there for them. I am their "slave" -- opps, that's a whole other fantasy :)

Being alone is not just the lack of one single soulmate. If I have activities with boys, a few that are special to me and they know it, a trust in them that is not easily won, then my life is full. The boys, unfortunately, will change as the months go on. But my love for them won't.

Then again, maybe I don't have my life all figured out :)

Cody, 16
cody@redneck.gacracker.org

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Submitted 6 Sep 2003

I have the same kind of problem as you have. I've been pulled from one edge to another with my feelings. Sometimes I'm very happy with everything, enjoy every single second of my life, and then somewhat later I can be very depressed. My biggest fear is to do something wrong with a boy someday. As I would never want to hurt them. I enjoy being friends with boys of all ages. They are full of energy, laughter,... unlike most of my peers. And when I get a hug from them, my heart melts :)

I think our biggest problem is the fact that most of us are alone. Many boylovers do not have a close friend in reality to whom they can talk about their feelings. Most of us are limited to chatting with people online and post on message boards. That's what makes you even more depressed when you are feeling down. People will ask you what's wrong and if you want to talk about it, but you just can't, you are afraid. I'm glad the internet exists, without it, I would have done some stuff I would have regret later.

MaThiAs, 16

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