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Submitted 26 May 2006

Feelings about being molested and being a BL?

Between the ages of 11 and 13 I was molested by a family friend. What that man did to me basically ruined my life. I hate him for befriending me only to use me so badly. When I figured out the nature of what he was doing to me I broke the relationship off. I still haven't said anything to anyone. I now find myself with similar feelings towards boys. I hate myself because I know all too well how badly being molested can hurt a boy. Everyone here says to stop the self-hate. I find that hard to do since I absolutely hate the man who molested me. I feel child molesters are evil but at the same time fear I might become an evil child molester myself.

Andy (17)

Our answers
Submitted 1 June 2006

I'm sorry to hear that what happened ruined your life. "What he did to me" -- you mean the molesting or the dishonesty and manipulation? It seems like two differnet issues to me. I wonder which hurts a boy more? I guess if you consider the harm that society can do nowadays, any hint of sexuality is the more harmful. But for me, when I was younger, I think that dishonesty and manipulation from someone I considered a friend would have been the more hurtful.

You hate him therefore you hate yourself? You don't have to become a child molester. You can have all sorts of wonderful attractions toward young boys, you can engage in all sorts of activities with young boys, and still not ever hurt anyone. Never become a child molester. Never need to hate yourself. Your future is up to you.

Don't you imagine that many many folks have attractions toward young people and just keep it under wraps? You think men don't look at "jailbait" at times. You think it's not built into us genetically to desire young, healthy, "productive" young girls? You don't think gay men don't look at boys and feel something? Hating yourself because of an attraction is like hating yourself for being left-handed.

Do be a little cautious that others understand your motives. Keep it open and transparent. Include others in on what you do with boys. Never be alone, if that helps you to keep everything above board. But don't not befriend boys, and don't feel you need to hate yourself, by confusing "pedophile" and "molester".

One opinion, from a proud pedophile.

Cody (17)


Submitted 16 Jun 2006

No one can help who they are attracted to but they can control what they do about it. Growing to love is a wonderful thing and I can happily say that I have grown to love a couple of young lads in my time. I would be lying if I said that there was no sexual attraction...there was BUT nothing sexual ever happened. the attraction I could not control...everything else I could and did.

So my answer to you is don't be ashamed or afraid to be attracted and don't let what happened to you affect the rest of your life. The fact that it did happen gives you an insight into the dangers and prepares you for dealing with your own feelings.

I get an impression from your writing that you would dearly like to talk to someone over what you went through but you are afraid to. Don't be...talk to your doctor or a priest of contact one of the help centres. Don't bottle it all up..that could destroy your chances of happiness in the future.

One thing to always remember...whatever happened when you were young was NOT YOUR FAULT...even if you agreed to it or even asked him to do it. Even if, at the time, you enjoyed it. There is no blame on you. It is the adults place to care and protect the kids. It is not the kids place to control the adult. Self hatred is very misplaced and damaging to you. Hatred for him is natural but dont let that rule your life either.

Get your strength from knowing that you did nothing wrong and from the experience you will always protect other boys.

Talk to someone. That is a vital step for your own sake. My email address is displayed so if you want to contact you are welcome to do so.

Bob (60)


Submitted 15 Jul 2006

I have read your posting, I get two feelings. It scared me when you say that you were molested. But as I read the second part, you say that you don't have it easy, because your hate yourself about the fact you also have feelings for boys. You don't have to be bad, and hate yourself. I think because you were molested you know very well yourself what is OK and what isn't.

My younger neighbor boy that I see very often, is so pretty and beautiful and tender, my heart gos "boom boom" when he is with me, especially when he looks at me straight in my eyes for a long time when he talks to me. And always when he is near me, I feel special to talk with him, and I enjoy the moments when he is near me. But further... Boaboy keep dreaming... Never shall I touch him on the wrong way.

Boaboy (21)

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