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DAVID ASKS...
Submitted 26 Oct 2003

Not sure if this is the right forum for me or not. But here goes anyway. Well, Im 28, and have worked with kids for the last 9 years all over the world. I click really well with kids and their parents, and am a very gentle humble guy. I have had this issue on my mind for a couple of years, but when I track it back, even as a pre teen I was attracted to other pre-teens. This has re-surfaced and I have found myself looking at images on-line (not explicit) boylinks etc and realising I am very attracted to the pre-teen boys of the world. I'm not sure how to deal with this, I've tried asking people before, but always end up getting replies from very agressive people who dont seem to have the best interests of kids at heart.

I have a friend who is 25 and in a relationship with a 14 year old boy, in a way it excites me, but on the flip side, scares the life out of me too. I go through stages of saying 'right, come on, thats it, no more, stop looking at blonde haired 12 year old's in the street and on-line' and I vow never to do it again-but these feelings re-surface. I've been a Drama teacher, Soccer Coach, Camp Counselor, and have never felt the urge to do anything to any boy..I just couldnt unless it was mutual.

I am a bit scared- for guys of my age its 'THE' most taboo thing to talk about, so I appriciate forums like this. I know you guys are not on-line shrinks, but I need some form of advice from a source I can trust.I am attracted to women, but given the choice, I know how I really feel.

Im trying to rationalise an emotional feeling , and I cant. I can trace it back to being 5,a memory of having another boy put his foot in between my legs whilst sitting down..(I hope you dont mind me talking about this!) then it went on to boys dominating me in play-fights as a preteen, and so it goes on.

I think thousands of guys my age must feel like this but dont know where to turn, Im just hoping you can be a credible source. I have weeks where I wont even look online for pictures of cute boys in speedos etc..and I feel so damn wrong for doing it.I keep thinking of all the people who have trusted me with their kids, shaking their heads in horror, and me saying 'wait, you dont understand, its not like that...etc' Well, if you can drop me a line, that would be great.
Thanks

David, 28

Our answers
Submitted 11 Nov 2003

Hi David,

I'm not an expert but personally I don't have much faith in the 'this event from my past caused me to be like this' way of looking at things. For a start, there's absolutely no way to tell if you'd still have the same sexual orientation even if those things never happened. Then there are all the people who haven't had any comparable sort of experience who end up with similar sexual orientations than the ones that are supposedly 'caused' (and therefore unnatural/unhealthy, obviously).

You say it was sexual activity as a boy with other boys that caused you to find them attractive today? Well, about the age when I stopped fooling around with other boys after doing it for years (11ish) is also about the age boys are these days when I begin finding them attractive. So what's to stop me saying that it was a lack of the very thing you seem to be attributing your sexuality to that caused mine? Do you see what Iím getting at?

'Tracing' their sexuality seems to be quite a popular passtime for people who view it as problematic or 'wrong'. How many 'straight' people do it I wonder? And how many would feel guilty about looking at picture of hot chicks when online? I don't see why we should feel like we need to hold ourselves to higher (or lower, depending on how you look at it) standards than the rest of the world when it comes to being comfortable in ourselves. And if that means looking at legal pictures that we might just find sexy then so be it.

I hope this helped a little

Edward, 19
edward@agetaboo.org

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Submitted 21 Nov 2003

There is nothing wrong with looking and fantasizing about boys, regardless of what some 'experts' might say. What goes on in the privacy of your own heart and mind is your own business. There is nothing dishonest about it, unless you use the fact the parents don't know to take advantage of your position.

As for the pictures, keep to legal stuff, don't let it take up too much of your time, and don't let anyone stumble upon your hobby, like your parents, friends, boss, etc.

As for the bulk of your message, perhaps the chat room would be a better place to discuss.

Jason, 26

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Submitted 12 Mar 2005

I have been attracted to boys for all my life and I don't have a clue why. My sex life with women has been as good as most peoples. There is an inherant beauty with a lot of young boys that is hard to define. In my case I have been attracted to three boys in particular. I would go as far as to say I fell in love with them. The first was 9 and I was 17, the second 11 and I was 30 odd and the last 10 when I was early 40's. I can honestly say that I still love those boys and they are in my mind a lot of the time and, my point of all this, at no time has the attraction been sexual. I did spend a lot of time with each of them and would do anything for either of them but sexually no real interest. I did touch the first boy (literally for 10-15 seconds) but more by accident than design and I did pay the penalty for it (I pleaded guilty in 1972 and paid a fine). In fact I'm still paying because society never forgets. I cope with my feelings by talking to a couple of very close friends who have shown a lot more understanding than I expected. I don't suppose I will ever stop looking at beautiful young boys and to be honest I don't want to.

I believe there are many thousands that do the same and many that act on it without being caught. Young boys can be very alluring, sensual and provocative, sometimes deliberately (if they have been having fun with a brother or other family member. It's a fact they do it BUT regardless of that it is up to every adult to control their own feelings. It's a simple rule, but one I live by, LOOK and imagine as much as you like BUT NEVER act on your thoughts. In the end you would be caught. Kids don't keep secrets and why should they. As for looking at the sites. The problem with that is the boys who start of in speedos very often end up being abused and photographed just to feed the demand for such pictures. In a lot of cases these boys don't have the choice that you have. I want to look at these sites but I very rarely do because, as I've said, I like boys and don't want to be responsible for one of them being trapped into the world of the pornographer. By looking I would be helping to set that trap. David- I've been there. I've been seduced by a boy to the point that sexual contact would be the next logical step. It didn't happen. Why? simple. I loved him. I loved him enough to let go. No matter how willing the boy may seem at the end of the day he would probably regret what happened and if you truly care about him you wont put him in that position.

Les, 59

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Submitted 17 June 2005

i would say that it is okay to love a boy and to feel for him but not to act on it. i myself am a boylover. but i love boys for who they are not for their bodies. if they are allowing their bodies to be presented on a online page with their permissions then if a man wants to have sex with that boy or another boy wants to have sex with him then hey the boy asked for it by allowing his body to be presented.

models for examples young boy models are the best example of this.

email me if you have anything to discuss taht you would like to discuss

joshua, 18
calhoun719@yahoo.com

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Submitted 17 June 2005

I have to disagree with what joshua said about boy models or others showing their bodies online. I don't think they're necessarily thinking of it sexually when they pose, especially the younger ones. So they are not giving permission to have sex with someone. Also, even if the boy wants sex, the man needs to remember the risk it involves: the boy (depending on maturity) may not realize what it's all about, and even if the boy enjoyed it he would suffer from the involvement of the police if it were discovered.

Matthew, Age Taboo staff
matthews@agetaboo.org

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Submitted 27 July 2005

I answered this post some time ago and wonder if the original poster gained anything from the replies posted so far. I would like to add a little to my previous post.

Anyone doing or thinking of doing what is an illegal act will justify it to themselves. Doing so does not make it any less illegal.

To anyone attracted to young boys I say the same thing. LOOK--DREAM--ADMIRE--LOVE--DO NOT TOUCH. I dont think of the legal side when I look at a beautiful boy. I think of the future. A future that could easily involve the boy and could involve him for a long time. A future where love is given and received. A future where that love can be enjoyed by both. No matter how you justify it any sexual contact is assault. The child may want it, may even suggest it but it's still assault and at some point, as the child grows up, he will realise it was assault and will hate you for it. He wont remember it was his idea. He will remember you did it to him and because of public attitude to man/boy relationships he will have learnt that it was wrong and he will blame you. So keep to looking, dreaming and maybe even friendship, friendship with a lot of love on both sides. Treasure that for life and don't risk losing it.

Les, 59
rl12005-contact@yahoo.co.uk

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Submitted 16 Jan 2006

the young boy has been looked upon and admired for centuries. even some of the greatest civilizations known like greece and rome, activly practiced pedophilia in daily life. however with all this time mankind has been unable to "solve" this "problem". the only thing we can say is that it is there and doesent seem to be dissapearing. so i personally feel that at some point we need to accept the fact that some people are attracted to youth and there is nothing we can do about it. now im no psycologist so i wont say weather these feelings are healthy, or the impact on a childs mind that such a relationship would have. however the past and present speak for themselves and we need to become more open minded about the subject to understand it. so i thank you for bringing up the topic and appreciate the open and honest remarks. this is a topic that should be confronted and not simply thrown aside as has been done in the past.

chris, 21

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