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"I" ASKS...
Submitted 23 May 07

I downloaded porn from the internet for at least 7 years. Occassionally I deleted all the stuff saying "now is enough", but after some time I started again. I deleted all the videos that were openly abusive. Then some months ago police knocked on my door - I was busted. Now I am waiting for the accusation and jail. The thing that scares me most is the reaction of my friends. My parents are fine with me, we talked a lot and they understand I could never harm anybody. I am in a severe depression and I thought about taking my life, before they put me in jail. I am going to visit a therapist but I know he can't help me, because I don't need help. I just like pre's and teens. I think a big change is coming in my life. A social stigma I will have to carry for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do.

"I" (26)

Our answers
Submitted 15 Jul 2007

Ouch !! Well get a lawyer and listen to him. Perhaps getting "professional help" now would be helpful both to your defense and to you personally. What you describe sounds a bit like addictive behavior, but it's common I am afraid. I assume that you didn't get busted online, but attracted the attention of local authorities on some other sex issue. That is how it normally happens.

You can witness to others how ordinary folks can get in big trouble without ever hurting anyone. Just don't do it. There are only a few safe places on the web to get C.P., if you call naked kids on the beach playing volletball C.P. The web is pretty well watched and controlled. Obviously, don't join picture sites with your credit card. You may not even know what is there until it's too late. Never trade questionable pix with anyone. No matter how much you may foolishly trust them, their computer may get confiscated next week.

And don't collect it on your computer. While any pix that shows up on a webpage you visit is technically downloaded to your computer, a few of them in your browser's temporary storage area is unlikely to get you in trouble. You don't know what's on a site till you go look. But don't then "save" it to your hard drive. That is collecting, and will get you in big trouble.

I find pictures of young actors, singers, and models (who are trying to make money based on the fact that people like to look at their pictures) to be sufficient. The attitudes of your friends are formed by modern media, and hold little similarity to scientific fact. Try not to worry about them. The ones that stick by you are your friends, and pretty intelligent to boot. Change your lifestyle so that you don't look like a predator. You do have medical problems, as indicated by this addiction and your suicidal thoughts. Don't hide these problems.

And, I guess, hope for the best. First offender, liberal community, no other sex charges, maybe you will get by with something that you can endure.

Cody (18)

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