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JOE ASKS...
Submitted 26 Sep 06

I'm sorta involved with an older guy. You could say we're in love. I've been with him since I was 11. Now I've hit puberty and I'm really wanting to have sex with him. He's not so sure cause he's older, but I really want to be with him. I'm not gonna tell anyone I'm gay, so how do I make my friend feel its okay to really be with me other than the kissing we've been doing. I'm mature now and I'm ready for him to touch me and use his mouthh on me. It's driving me crazy that he's so afraid. I'm ready to have sex. Help!

Joe (13)

Our answers
Submitted 28 Sep 2006

The only hope is to somehow convince him that you are mature enough and stable enough to NEVER regret getting intimate with him, and NEVER get discovered by anyone. That's a tough thing to do. He probably feels that not crossing that line is the only wise, safe, loving thing to do. I would imagine that it hurts him terribly.

The law is very strict. They don't play fair. A few years from now, when you are in trouble for a couple of joints of weed or a little shoplifting, they will do anything to convince you that you are in big touble unless you give them some juicy gossip on someone else, something else. There is no way of knowing how you will feel about yourself, or about him, in a couple of years, or a dozen years. A young developing gayteen is not the most stable, easy life to choose. I know. You are asking your friend to take a terrible risk that has nothing to do with loving you or wanting to be with you.

You are allowed to have sex with someone within a year or two of your own age (and not under 12 maybe - find out what the Criminal Code in your state says - Google the actual laws, not just age of consent). Anything else is a very serious crime. And things have a way of being investigated, even if both of you never say a word to anyone.

If you love him, trust him. He has to do this, don't make it harder for him. There are lots of sensual things you guys can do that are not over the line. Not "touching in the swimsuit area". But don't let either one of you get so worked up that you can't control yourself either. Loving is not always about having sex, sometimes it's about not having sex.

There are lots of bumps ahead for a gayteen your age. Play it careful when it comes to the law. Nothing else makes any sense at all. And consider what real love is all about. It's not an easy lesson to learn. I'm not sure any of us ever stop learning it. I'm sorry. In my experience, there is no other choice if you love him.

Cody (17)

_______________________

Submitted 01 Oct 2006

Very sage advice Cody. In this situation it is much less about what you want and what he wants and very much more about what is safe. If you don't cross that line you'll never have to lie about crossing that line. I'm sorry that it's hard, I have been in your position. But at the end of the day, if you want to be sure that the authorities can't seperate you, you have to play it safe.

I know for myself that's why I won't even consider taking a relationship with a boy past friendship until he reaches the age of consent.

Shiro (23)

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