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VINCE ASKS...
Submitted 12 May 2006

Is it illegal to have sex with a minor if I myself am a minor? Is it wrong to have a relationship, where me and a 12 year old are in love? How can I stop the self hate??? I feel so evil... Do the thoughts stop when I get older??!

Vince, 15

Our answers
Submitted 12 May 2006

Hi Vince,

I can't give you a definite answer to your question about having sex. The laws vary from place to place. A place that might have an answer for you is www.ageofconsent.com . The ages of consent listed in the table apply to legal adults, so they won't give you the information you need. But if you click on a link for the particular country or state you live in, it might have some details about the laws regarding minors. When it's a three year age difference, in many states in the U.S. it is illegal, sorry to say.

I think the love between two boys is a beautiful thing. You're not evil for feeling this love--you're a wonderful person for showing such caring and love for a younger boy. If he loves you back then you know your love is good.

I look at it this way: We're all very different in physical characteristics, personalities, talents, and just about anything else you can think of. So of course we're all different in our sexuality. Some people fall in love with the opposite sex, some with the same sex, some with both, and some with neither. Some people have a strong sex drive and others' is weak. Some people are attracted to people of the same age, some are attracted to older people, and some are attracted to younger people. Different people want to do different things romantically and sexually. So everyone's different. It's natural variation.

Those of us who have strong loving feelings for boys know how beautiful and lovable they are. We can do all kinds of legal things with them that show them love and caring, and that help them to grow up as secure and loving people.

Unfortunately, in today's climate, we have to be very careful about considering whether to act sexually when it would break the law, even if both people love each other and want to do it. It could be difficult for the younger boy to keep it secret (he might even feel ashamed about it), and if the sex were discovered, both people would be severely harmed by the legal system and the attitudes of other people.

Feel free to submit more messages or email me if you want to talk more.

Matthew
Agetaboo staff
matthews@agetaboo.org

_________________________

Submitted 17 May 2006

It's normally not prosecuted, unless the younger insists on pressing charges. Gay teens may have a few rights some places. But according to the law in most states, guys under 16 have no say about their bodies. What's more, "having sex" includes simple play, touching in the "swim suit area", just about whatever they want it to mean. It doesn't matter if the younger guy agrees, asks, enjoys. It's really not about him. Or you. It's about "them".

Sure, you can normally get away with it. But legally, remember he can come back many years later and regret it, and cause you big trouble if the age difference is very much. That is the issue in today's society... the age difference. Making society feel good, and keeping the victim therapy people in business. You have no choice but to play their game.

Practically, if you have more than a year difference, just make sure that it's his idea, very clearly. Let him be the "aggressor", so that he will remember it that way. If it's more than two, don't.

Your image of yourself, however, is another matter altogether. And, I think, unrelated. If not this, you would find something to feel bad about. Once you learn more about what is truly "normal" in the human condition, what goes on all the time quietly, you will discover that you are not different, you are not evil. Please work on the self-hatred more, and worry about being the only guy that likes younger guys less.

Cody (17)

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