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NICK ASKS...
Submitted 9 Jan 2005

I feel like I'm the only one that's a BL. I'm out of place in this life. I think I'd be happier if I were straight. Is there anything I can do to stop being a BL?

Nick (15)

Our answers
Submitted 21 Jan 2005

be happy with who you are. you can't stop it so don't.

John, 15

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Submitted 8 Mar 2005

I think that it is a great thing you are doing because first of all you are admitting you are having a problem at that age it is difficult to admit you have a problem. But let me tell you a little secret myself. I am also a bl and I do not think there is anything that can stop us from having those feelings unless you let the Lord Jesus Christ into your life. Admit to him your mistakes and ask for his forgivness.

John, 15

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Submitted 25 Mar 2005

I once thought too that I would be much happier if I were not a boy-lover. But as I have gotten older my thinking has changed.

I feel today it is a gift given me, to make me special. Just because you love boys does not mean that you are a bad person. Loving one another is a wonderful thing.

It is the abuse of this love that is wrong. I have come to the conclusion as long as you do nothing bad or nasty it is very much OK to be a boy-lover. In fact I have done a lotta good for boys in my life. But have never taken advantage of the boy.

Nick, I wish you many super years in the future. Remember to be responsible around boys and all will be great

CJ, 50

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Submitted 31 Mar 2005

well nick i know what your going through and its really hard i know all i can tell you is what i went through i knew. as far back as 6 or 7yr old i was not the same as every 1 i remmember my friends all of them were boys and it was that way right up untill a few years ago. but i knew when i was 10yrs old when i had my first proper experiance with a boy that had just turned 10yrs old that i felt this is it it felt right dont get me wrong i wished i was straight and normal at the time and all the way through my teens when all my friends had girlfriends and i didnt i thought it must be me may be if i try a girlfriend may be it will sort my head out and i will be normal i tryed it i even had sex with her but i found it a bad expereance i was with her for about 3 months and i tryed to be straight but all the boys i fancyed i was longing to be with in more ways than 1. iv found out over the years that there is no cure for us you are what you are and im a BL i all ways will be till i die thats the way god made me and iv helped a lot of boys with there problems when they needed help but iv never ever hurt a boy or forced my self on a boy be true to yourself and follow your heart you will find your way in life but never harm a boy we are here on this earth to help them when they need help i think thats why god made me the way i am.

dee, 39

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Submitted 7 Aug 2005

First, Nick, compliments in being so honest with yourself. You admit that you have a "problem". That's an important step in resolving anything.

Second... look deeply within yourself and see if it really IS a problem. This is the same with anything - be it smoking, drinking, swearing, whacking off, or some things that other people might not think of as a problem - like reading books (to the exclusion of getting out and socializing) or being overly religious (to the point that others avoid you for fear that you are constantly trying to convert them).

Next - a little secret. This is one I learned the hard way from many years of soul searching. You (and only you) CAN change yorself. I personally have reinvented myself more than once. For example I was a confirmed smoker - 1.5 to 2 packs a day and one day I convinced myself that I shouldn't do that any more. So I quit. Cold turkey. I had to be an asshole to all my smoking friends, I had to make loife changes, I had to be careful who i hung out with, but yes I quit. Now, 15+ years later, I can't think why anyone would smoke.

I use quitting smoking to show a point. It is this. You CAN, if you want, stop being a boylover. You CAN reinvent yourself to be anything you want, given the force of will, attitude, and discipline.

Here are some steps you could take, and bear in mind that this isn't the only way, just A way that could work. It is based on how to stop any habit and start new habits.

1) you would have to convince yourself that boylove is wrong and that boylovers are mean, hateful, self-serving people, and that you didn't want to be one of them any more - if ever you were one. Personally, I would have a problem doing this because all the boylovers I know are warm caring pople, but that's what you'd have to do. This would take between 21 to 30 days of hard work - that is to say that is how long it takes to break a habit.

2) You would have to transfer all the sexual feelings you get from boys onto something else. This would be best accomplished in small stages - like this: every time you saw a cute boy, you'd catch yourself and say (to yourself) BAD ME! I like (for example) chicks now. Then you would transfer that affection to thought-images, say of a beautiful girl / woman. This would start to be effective after 24 - 30 days - that is to say that is how long it takes to make a new habit.

The trouble with this is that you have to have the self-discipline to keep up with it. And I mean for years, not just the initial 24 to 30 days. Keeping a photograph of something "appropriate" (for example a cute chick) with you at all times might be helpful, to peek at when you get those urges.

Lastly, remember this: You are who you are. You are what you make of yourself. You are the master of your own mind, and you have to find the self-discipline to make your mind do what you want it to do.

That all having been said, I ahve been a boylover since I was about 14; I was having sex with other boys and men since I was about 10 or so. I did go through a phase around puberty where I rejected boys as squeaky and weak, but fell in love with young boys several times after that brief period.

Being a boylover makes me different. I have a few friends (mostly women) who know "what" I am. These women ALL trust me with their (young) sons because they know me well enough that I would never harm a child knowingly. I am like the best dad these kids never had. I am also a coach, mentor, tutor, teacher, and hang out with boys (and, I might add, young girls, but no sexual attraction there) frequently. I am a well respected member of my community, and, although there are rumors, my committed actions to promote child welfare are so well known that those who speak against me are quickly and firmly shushed by those who know me and my actions - for these speak louder than any philosophies I might preach or speeches I might make.

I chose, when I was about 28 or so, to be a boylover and continue to be one. I could have taken my own advice (written above) and probably led a "normal" life - convincing myself that I wasn't something I was. Truthfully, I am glad I made the decision. it has made me strong, whole, and the good person I am today.

For in hiding or reinventing who you are, there is a trade. You never kno what the final outcome will be... because it all depends on you and your self-discipline. If you TRULY don't want to be a boylover, you had better DAMN SURE be comitted to a course of action - because any less would be lying to your friends, confidants, but most of all to yourself.

My last piece of advice is this. LEARN TO BE HAPPY WITH WHO YOU ARE. For if you don't you will forever be unhappy.

Peace!
Ascyltus, 39

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Submitted 27 Apr 2007

Well done for coming out and admitting how you're feeling. Don't let any one tell you otherwise. Chose your own path. Who knows what will happen? All the best.

Snakeyes, 35

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