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I realized that I was attracted to younger boys when I was about 10 years old. Over a few years I became more and more attracted, the same way I assume a normal, heterosexual man begins to feel attracted towards women. When I was 12 my mother remarried to a man who had two young sons, 6 and 7 years old. The 7 year old was my first "partner"; we played with each other's privates and he was the first one that I had any genuine romantic feelings towards. My mom moved out of state with my stepfather and that was the end of our brief relationship. After that I had only fleeting contact with boys until I was 19, when I met an 8 year old boy whom I fell in love with again. We went rollerblading together, played video games, and wrestled. It didn't turn sexual until he started talking about private parts, and body hair. I showed him my belly hair and told him that I didn't like it, that it felt un-natural to me. He lifted his shirt and asked me when he would start growing his, I told him in a few years. Later he showed me how he could balance the remote control on his crotch and make it bounce with his erection. The relationship got to the point where we were both comfortable touching and holding each other. I didn't make any moves unless he did first. He is now 15 years old, and to this day we still talk to each other. I have had several other boyfriends such as this since him, and not once have I done anything that the boy has not done to me first. They say that young boys can't consent. I remember being a young boy, and I know that I probably would have been okay with someone who was gentle and understanding of my feelings, so I don't think that "they" are always right. I don't understand why I do what I do, or why I feel the way I do. Sometimes I wish that I had a more socially acceptable problem, like alcoholism or porn addiction. But in the end I always go back to loving boys, and I don't know why.

Jake (26)

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